“Baby you are the best thing to ever happen in my life and I love you very much….Happy birthday!” She blows out the candles and their family and friends applauded! Door bell rings and she sees her mother get the door, “more people showing up for my party?”, She ask her mother! “Baby an officer is at the door and he is asking for John!” John looks scared and surprised at the same time. Their guest stopped what they were doing and all were looking towards the front door. John signs for his envelope and excuse himself to upstair. She follows behind. “John, what’s going on, why was the sheriff here?” “It’s nothing to worry about, just go take care of our guest!” “No I won’t, not until you tell me what’s going on john!” She argues with him for 10 minutes before he takes a deep breath and tells her. “He served me with child support papers!” “WHAT!….Well we will just deal with it, that was your past, we will deal with it john!” He hands her the paper work and he sits on the steps as if he had just lost someone from his life! She looks through the paper work….Child born 2017, what? “How could that be? John what’s going on?” “That’s my baby”, he mutters under his breath! “SAY WHAT?”…..And that’s when hell break lose as her world fell apart! How do you go from thinking your husband is the best thing to ever happen to you, thinking you are one of the remaining few that got a good one! No idea that he is cheating on you much less made a baby! Her heart felt like someone had knocked the air out of her, not once but twice! The family quietly interacts down stairs, when the furniture comes rolling down the stairs and John comes running down behind it! ….Only the people that have been through it can understand the pain of LOSING your INNOCENCE to love! What exactly is that they ask? The moment when trust leaves your soul, your bubble of a heart without betrayal and heartache has been burst open….And you realize what it’s like to hurt and be bitter and you realize happiness abandoned you and you are living in what feels like permanent pain! When you no longer TRUST LOVE! You wake up and think you are still in the previous HAPPY world and then reality kicks in every morning! …….A month of hell floats by and now Not only is he asking you to forgive him but now he wants you to accept his child! You chose to not leave him and (gave him an inch, now this damn man wants a yard!) What would you do?
………..If you chose to forgive him, do you have to accept his child? There is no one correct answer for this. People could stand on the side and throw out their opinions on this but who is the only one that is living this? Emotions are involved here so you have to filter in the emotions of being hurt but forgiving along with accepting what happen and then deciding the best way for YOU to cope with it. If he ask you to stay after cheating and creating a child and you forgive him, he does not have much say in this. He fucked up, if he wants you to forgive him and stay, there are compromises to be made. A MAN CANNOT FUCK UP AND THEN ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND THEN WANT TO TELL THE WOMAN HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION THAT WILL PLEASE HIM. Whatever the woman chose to do, it’s her emotions, you don’t agree with it then chose to go. The man has to chose to deal with it or move on, he forgets he made choices before, when he chose to cheat and not only cheat but risk disease and then icing on the cake, dropped a baby in there, so don’t be quick to critique the woman’s choices because he is not too good at making them himself. The choices could go 2 ways…..1. She stays but you keep that world to yourself. Take care of your child but not in her face. (this one brings lots of issues because you are going to see the woman you cheated with on a regular basis alone and your wife or girlfriend has to deal with it. You are digging in the old wound that has not healed, still raw and you are digging in it over and over and over. get it? Now she knows where you are going each time you have to see that child. You may think you would not touch that cat again with a ten foot pole but she doesn’t see it that way. All she sees is you wanted it then…you still want it now….ESPECIALLY if the other woman looks good. The man has to prepare to work his ass off financially because you can’t change your current household’s way of living to please the other woman and tell your current woman to deal with it. “I can’t afford to get our kids school clothes because child support is killing me!” “Negro….did i fuck her and make that baby with you? Why am I coming out of my pocket so she can fill hers?”. That is what she is thinking when she has to come up with that money to buy the kids clothes that you use to buy! This is a collateral damage. Second job is in your future. Better balance the time with that second job and still be available for your wife. Fit it in because she didn’t help you put your dick in there unprotected and bust! NOT HER ISSUE. “Baby that second job whooping my ass i can’t stay up and do our Friday date night like we usually do. “You found time to sneak around after working the whole day to go fuck her and make a baby though!” Yes you just can’t get a break! Poor baby! You wanted her to stay, shut up and do what you are suppose to, if you know you are not prepared for the future sacrifices then don’t be selfish, standing there begging and going into a deal that you are not prepared to handle. …….2. This one is tough. You accept the child and let the family know and your children know this big secret that he cheated, by allowing the child into your family. Everyone will pause when you say that is his child because obviously the child is young and your friends and family knows how long you have been in your relationship. This one again is….digging in the open wound but it is right in your face. You have to deal with your kids asking that question of who this person is and then as they get older they will figure it out and will you be changing their view of family and allowing them to think this is the norm. Desensitizing them? To the man it will appear like it has worked itself out but it is a long process for a woman. Men do not go by how it appears, it will be a loooooong process to going back to normal for her emotionally. Men are famous for thinking the past is the past and want to put demands down because everything seems back to normal. This is one of those rare situations when you can’t have any demands no time soon. IF YOU WANT TO KEEP HER….YOU GOT TO PERMANENTLY HUMBLE YOURSELF. This is not one of those just get over it issues. She decided to climb into this pool of your bullshit and hold her nose. You may stop smelling that bullshit but she is always smelling it but she chose to block it out. This is work and lots of work on different levels. Collateral damage made on numerous levels, so you have to really think about all the other issues that goes along with a woman just saying “ok I will give it a chance and forgive you”. That is a contract with lots of fine print, don’t be so selfish to agree to everything because you are holding on to her leg, trying to prevent her from walking out that door with what is your family, your life, your world. This will require a man to be humble and compromise like hell because he fucked up and he got to deal with how she chose to handle it. FUCK THE WORLD AND IT’S OPINION OF HOW THE WOMAN IS SUPPOSE TO BE. That woman will have to live with shame and heart ache, betrayal that the world will not see, feel or understand. She will have to keep looking in the other woman’s eyes, she might have to deal with a witch that wants to use this as an opportunity to irritate the shit out of her but of course in a nonverbal way. Ways that men will never and can never see but as a woman you will know what that witch is trying to do. Again I repeat, she was not there with you when you chose to make a life deposit in that other woman, when your ass was suppose to be faithful. So do not tell her how she should process this after you stop her from walking out and begged her to stay. THIS IS A UNTIL AGE 18 CONTRACT, THERE ARE LOTS OF FINE PRINTS THAT WILL BE SACRIFICES YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE, sign wisely! Be aware that statistics are not good for this issue…..Usually…. the time she stays attempting to forgive you, is the time she also uses to let go of that love she has for you and building up the strength to leave when reality truly sets in! Chosing to love herself more than you!

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